A Guide to Effective Relationship Counseling
Marriage counseling is tough. The concept that your marriage needs professional help and to make your partner agree to it as well is one of the biggest challenges that most couples go through. But once you have overcome this hurdle, there are other things that are equally important and you need to focus on. Here are 10 marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse that will help you understand the differences and the root problem in your relationship counseling session.
1. What Are Our Main Issues?
In a relationship, often silence and just ignoring things creates many under line problems. What may be important to one, can be completely insignificant to other. In your couple counseling sessions you need to focus on these relationship conflict areas. Start with asking what your spouse thinks are the main areas of conflicts and how can the situation be improved. It can be as simple as one partner saying she misses the weekly outing once they got settled in a marriage. The solution is of course just go out once a week and have a good time. But first, understand the main issue.
2. Are We Going Through a Bad Phase?
Marriage counseling never offers readymade solutions. Understand why you both have drifted apart. You can fall in and out of a romantic phase and that’s how relationship grows. When speaking to your marriage counselor, see if your marriage has really gone bad or it is a phase that both of you need to understand and cross.
3. Do We Want a Divorce?
If you have both worked on your relationship and still feel that you want a divorce then marriage counseling can be your last hope of giving it one more try. Till in your mind you have a solid yes, there is always scope to work on things. Divorce is never an easy decision and nor it is inexpensive. So, till you are absolutely sure, don’t take that step.
4. What Bothers Most
When you go to relationship counseling you come to know things that you never knew existed. There would always be things of your partner that would get on your nerves, but there can be bigger issues like lack of trust that can act like a slow poison in a relationship. By opening up to your marriage counselor you get a chance to find out what bothers most to him or her. When you know the core reason, you can surely find a way to work on it as well.
Also Read: Don’ts of Marriage
5. Is there Trust?
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. If your partner has a hard time trusting you, then it is difficult to connect to each other. However, it is not the end of the world and you shouldn’t think it that way also. Yes, but you need to rebuild the relationship from scratch. First understand if the trust has broken and what’s the reason behind it. Finally, start working on it. Marriage counseling is this step to help you begin.
6. How to Gain the Trust Back
One of the most important elements of gaining trust back is by forgiveness. Is your partner thinking about you negatively because of the things you have done? Let things come in the open and feelings be expressed. Share the reasons behind those actions and ask for forgiveness. You also need to mention why you will not repeat those mistakes again. Give it a chance and you can gain the trust back once more.
7. Why we Want Work Things Out?
So, we come back to ground one in marriage counseling and the agreement to meet the marriage counselor to start with. But both of you may have different reasons to work things out. Ask each other’s reasons. If the reasons are around love and commitment, then hope is not lost. You can still give it one chance and work things out. But if the reason of wishing to stay together is for the sake of children or managing finances, then you need to give your relationship a serious thought.
8. Fix those Conflicts
It is very difficult to move forward in a relationship if there are unresolved conflicts. They just seem to be coming back whenever there are any arguments and that will never take you close to someone. When you are in the session of relationship counseling, then find those areas of conflicts and work on them.
9. Willing to Change for Improvement
Changing someone is very tough and sometimes one of the reasons why marriages fall apart. For a relationship to work both partners need to work on an improvement plan. You need to put every possible effort to improve things. Once you have prepared yourself for the change, nothing can stop you.
10. How do we see the Future?
This is one of the last questions that can help you understand where your relationship is finally headed. Does your partner see you in his or her future? Have you already created separate dreams and hopes? If you are still a part of his future dreams, then hang on tight, your marriage is made to last.